Tag Archives: perversion

In This Moment – Adrenalize

Hello my darlings o.O

Where have I been? I’ve been writing books, arguing with editors and avoiding the persecution of judgmental folks in denial. Please take a moment to watch the video below. In This Moment is fucking incredible, and I am using one of their songs as my inspiration to the opening of the second book in the Wicked Hope series.  Stay tuned!

WIcked Hope – Chapter Four

Chapter Four

The annoyances in the labs were altogether different from the filthy room that was our home. Here, no one came to me to sate their perverted appetites. No, there I was left alone in a cold and brightly lit room. The machines, which monitor my vitals, beeped consistently. Normally something as simple as a beeping sound would not agitate me so, but it’s the waiting that drew me in. The sound kept me company as it consistently reverberated within the room.

The tubes that dangled towards my body were filled with an odd, pink liquid. My arm was sore where they fought to drill the needle into my flesh. I couldn’t comprehend why I struggled so. It was only a needle, and whatever fluids they fed me intravenously didn’t alter my perception of reality. The bitter air stung my grimy body. The men who visited me with their notepads took such gentle care during their inspections.

I honestly didn’t understand why the vaginal procedures were pain free. They touched me and inserted cold instruments into my pussy, but as always, their touch was merely clinical. Sometimes I watched them closely. I waited for their eyes to fill with lust or rage, but it never came. I truly believed that I was nothing more than a lab rat to the men who visited me in that place. But a lab rat for what? What were they looking for exactly?

Unlike the rest of the compound, the room was extraordinarily clean. The walls were an off-white color, which only served to make the lights appear even brighter. The metal bed that my body lay on was shiny in all of its glory, so polished that I could see the somewhat distorted reflection of my body. The restraints held me into place rather well, but the glimpses of what I could see brought tears to my eyes. So, that was what I had been reduced to. I looked animalistic. Beaten. I bet a lost dog seeking love or intervention looked better than I did at that very moment.

I closed my eyes. A small part of me was thankful for the short reprieve from the misery. There, I could close my eyes and nap without being bombarded with the incessant noises of suffering from those nearby. Yes, the room in the lab allotted me the opportunity to sleep soundly without fear of being awoken by the sound of footsteps coming closer towards us. Unfortunately, every time I closed my eyes, pictures of Sebastian’s face and memories of the grunts he made assaulted my head.

I only wanted to end our suffering. Thoughts of the despair and hopelessness that I had experienced while they submerged my head into the cow trough constantly beat at me, and it was at that very moment that I remembered being dragged away with Sebastian. I remembered glancing at the doctor when we left the room, and the look of rage and fury on his face frightened me. He was usually so sedate and controlled, but something had changed in him. It was apparent that the excitement had twisted and tainted his being. The bestial look in his eyes haunted me every time I tried to succumb to the exhaustion that plagued me.

But that was neither here nor there…

I was perfectly ready to die, to end it all for the sake of … not to sound cliché, but to end it all. It was one thing to live for the sole purpose to protect Sebastian, but those times had passed. I couldn’t do it anymore. I wish I didn’t give a rat’s ass about the boy, but there was something about him that touched an instinctual part inside of me, a part that had forcibly condemned me to act in his best interests, regardless of what they were.

My eyes were extremely dry, and I continuously blinked them in attempt to relieve the stickiness of my eyelids. I couldn’t take it anymore! As I thrashed my head from side to side, I became inexplicably frantic and agitated. My entire body slammed into the metal examination table. During the odd moment of the abrupt loss of control, I twisted my hips until the bones scraped against the table. The restraints that tightly held my ankles allowed me a slight semblance of freedom, but unfortunately, the thought only served to further infuriate me.

Two men rushed into the room. I could smell their stink and the disgusting body odor that clung to most of the people in the compound. Usually the soldiers’ control over us triggered a violent reaction, but not that time. No, that was something entirely different. My body welcomed the interruption, and I was grateful for the sense of calm that poured over me.

Neither man spoke a single word to me. They stood there with their callused hands holding me down. My lungs and chest shook with adrenaline, but eventually my body sagged and rested on the top of the table. The beeping from the vitals monitor no longer perturbed me. On the contrary, it now gave my mind a steady and consistent focus on something other than my thoughts and physical ailments.

I opened my eyes when I heard the door swoosh as it opened, and before me stood the head scientist who had become so god damn angry with me earlier. It was unusual how betrayed the man appeared when I chose to swallow the water from the cow trough … to end my life, my suffering, my existence.

His eyes lacked the fury they once held. They appeared implacable as if they disassociated themselves from the situation at hand. I closely watched the man as he walked towards a set of drawers. He withdrew a bottle and some latex gloves. When he pulled an odd machine and monitor towards the bed, my body jerked in protest, but once again the men pushed me down and firmly held me against the exam table.

The scientist squeezed a cold, chilling gel on my stomach. As he pressed the instrument into the gel and rubbed it around in a circular motion, an odd curiosity flowed over me. He adjusted the monitor, turning it so that he could easily inspect the unusual grey and grainy pictures displayed on the screen. I had been there twice before, and the scientist always walked away with apparent regret and disappoint. However, today, everything was different as his eyes lit up in fascination, in wonder and excitement.

He squirted more gel onto my chest and once again glided the instrument over my skin. I could see my heart beating in my chest. Intrigue and awe must have shown in my face because the asshole quickly removed the instrument. The screen went blank, and he pushed the cart away from the bed. With a wave of his hand, he quickly dismissed the men from their duty to restrain me. Unlike the other instances when he would simply leave the room after huffing his breath and sighing, his hand gently touched my shin. The coldness from his fingers shocked me, and my body leapt upwards and away from the table.

“It is too late for you to save the boy. The transition is already underway, and soon you will fear him just as you cringe from my men who fiercely take you and make you squeal in delight. No, it’s too late indeed. The time has come for you to think about more than just yourself or that pitiful boy whom you so stringently protect. Forget him, for soon he will morph into a beast so profoundly beautiful that not even I will be able to withstand him. I leave you with this one piece of advice, my dear. Watch the boy closely, and if your survival instincts kick in when you witness horrors that will haunt you for all your days to come … run.”

The whispered threat set my body on fire in ways I couldn’t possibly comprehend. Clearly, the man was threatening me with unknown changes and consequences, but I was incapable bring myself to heed his warnings. Sebastian would never harm me. We shared a unique, intimate connection that would not be severed by the dreadful existence we endured together.

Wicked Hope – Chapter 3

Regardless of how they rearranged the rooms, which was strange enough as is, they still held the tragic familiarity of the constant rape that took place there. A cattle trough, which was filled with water, occupied the center of the room. A small part of my heart fluttered at the thought of taking a bath, at having the opportunity to rinse off some of the grime and bodily fluids that encrusted my skin.

The scientist, who I assumed was in charge based on his authoritative commands, must have observed the brief, lighthearted and momentary joyous expression because he beamed with amusement. Asshole.

“Ah, I see we have found another temptation for you. It was, as usual, my pleasure to figure out what entices you to be more malleable. Place her here.” His hand motioned to the floor in front of cattle trough, and I could see the glint of excitement as he spoke.

I loathed everything about the man, and his mousy voice grated my damn nerves. He stood before us. The smile on his face was arrogant, and the apparent brilliance lurked behind his eyes. With a gentle tug of my arm, we stepped forward to the trough, and I must admit, I was quite perplexed with the situation.

Sebastian didn’t struggle as he was carried several feet away from me. The tender man carefully set the boy down and walked away without uttering a single word. I stood there and observed Sebastian. The labored breathing increased as two men approached him.

Without warning, my head was roughly yanked backwards. I watched the scientist approach the trough, and my back burned as it strained upwards in an awkward angle.

“You will find yourself at odds tonight, my dear. Oh yes, indeed tonight will plague your dreams every time you close your eyes. Let us begin! The anticipation is tormenting me!” The scientist barked an unusual laugh, and I closed my eyes, hoping that their sadistic games would end quickly.

Cold water swallowed my head. My eyes opened in shock, and the cold blinded my vision. I could feel my hair wisp around my head as I struggled to free myself from the icy confines. Harsh fingers entwined in my hair before they ripped my head out of the water. I gasped for breath as the bitter cold droplets traveled down my neck.

A short man unbuckled his belt as he approached Sebastian. My heart sank as I understood what would transpire that evening. Mere inches from Sebastian, the pedophile unzipped his jeans and pulled his slightly flaccid cock out, rubbing it over the bridge of Sebastian’s nose. The man chuckled as his cock began to stand at attention.

“I grow weary of your obstinate behavior. Tonight you will learn a lesson. You see, my dear, your choices have consequences, and I assure you, tonight’s lesson will not be forgotten. Let me explain the rules to you. You will willingly submerge your head into the water. For every second that you are incapable of breathing, the boy will breathe freely, and for every second that you allow air into your lungs, the poor little rat will suffocate. Here, let me show you exactly what I mean to do to the boy every time you choose to come up for air.”

I couldn’t have looked away for anything. My shivering body knelt beside the trough, and my eyes lingered on Sebastian and the bastard of a man who now smiled gleefully.

“Open your mouth, boy!”

The words were sharp, and I honestly expected Sebastian to struggle against the hands that gripped the back of his head, yet he remained still and compliant. I watched as Sebastian slowly opened his mouth. Surely he knew full well what was to come.

The head of the cock circled around Sebastian’s mouth, teasing him, enticing the boy to open wide for the intrusive, eager penis. Fury raged within me, and at that moment, all I wanted to do was rip that motherfucker’s heart out. I watched as the man’s fingers tangled in Sebastian’s hair, gripping tightly before yanking Sebastian’s head forward. A small part of me expected to watch the brute fuck Sebastian’s face, to once again yank another piece of humanity from the child. Except it didn’t happen. Instead of pounding into the boy’s mouth, the man held Sebastian’s head to his body. I could see the man’s balls as they bounced and dangled underneath Sebastian’s chin, yet he held Sebastian’s head firmly against his body. It was then that I realized the man’s intentions were to suffocate Sebastian with his cock.

Sebastian pounded his fists against the man, clawing at his legs in attempt to free himself from the strong grip that held his face to the man’s crotch. I knelt there and watched as my little friend began to turn purple from lack of air. My feet dug into the floor, and I lunged forward towards the two males. I was fully ready to maul the bastard who was going to asphyxiate Sebastian with his penis.

As my body leaped into the air, raw rage pummeled through me. Unfortunately, the fury blinded me, and I was caught off guard by a man who crushed his fist into my face. My body was slammed into the hard floor. My vision filled with dancing lights. Air filled my heaving lungs, and the labored breathing merely intensified the disorientation.

Strong hands fisted my hair together and thumped my face into the floor, and I thrashed my head around, trying to make the man lose his grip. The efforts were unsuccessful. Obviously. He wrenched my head back, and my eyes rose until I saw Sebastian’s limp body. An excruciating wail erupted from my throat, and I felt my entire body cringe as I stared at the motionless body on the floor.

Weak moans flowed from Sebastian’s body. His mouth moved slowly, and I watched intently as his chest began to rise with every breath. He was alive. Relief flooded my senses, and it became apparent just how far the boy had wiggled into my heart.

I wanted nothing more than to keep Sebastian safe and away from the sadistic, pedophilic bastards who continued to visit him. Sometimes the epiphanies hit harder than the sweetest reality breaks. Unfortunately for me, it was at that moment that I decided I could no longer endure their games.

Sure, even I had moments of rebellious strength. You know the ones. They make you feel invincible, like you could accomplish or endure anything life tossed your way. It wasn’t one of those moments.

All I wanted to do was curl into a ball and die. My arms hurt, my legs hurt, and something had dried in my pubic hair that tickled the inside of my thighs. Oh … the continuous physical reminders that we were insignificant, but it was the mental ones that took a toll on us all.

At times, I wished I could just give up the fight against them and just fall into a state of acceptance, which was what the others did, but my perseverance and survival instincts betrayed me as always.

The room faded away as I watched the man grab the unconscious Sebastian by his shoulders, hauling him towards his erect penis. Another man, whose height was at least one foot shorter, lifted Sebastian off the floor by his hips and turned to look at me with a twisted smile on his face. They always came for the boy with an intent look of desire, so the smile shouldn’t have caught me off guard, but it did. How could anyone treat an innocent child the way those monsters did?

“I suggest you submerge yourself now, and know this, when you come up for air, the boy will be brutalized more severely than ever before.” The scientist actually cackled. His voice was no longer weak, and I wondered what changes were taking place that could take such a fragile man and give him so much confidence that his tone was filled with dehumanized amusement.

“Wake up!” The man standing before Sebastian backhanded him so hard that his body flew to the side. The only thing that kept the boy from landing on the hard floor was the pervert holding him from behind.

My fingertips tightened on the edge of the trough, and a lonely tear fell down my cheek. So that was what we had become. I took a long, slow, steady breath and pushed my head beneath the surface of the water.

My thoughts were scattered, and the emotions that rolled through my body made me shake with adrenaline. Unfortunately for me, the increased energy didn’t help my ability to calmly remain under the water for long.

Dirty water rushed into my eyes, and I blinked rapidly in effort to clear my vision. Small bones rested on the floor of the trough. I could see the little skeletal legs, which still had bits of flesh clinging to it, and as my mind desperately tried to disassociate from the realization of my predicament, my eyes focused, and a small, childlike skull came into view. It was only a skull, nothing more, but my heart clenched, and the acids in my stomach surged up my throat from the disgusting excitement and adrenaline. I gagged, gulping in water before vomiting underwater.

As I yanked my head up, I tightly closed my eyes, refusing to see what was transpiring between Sebastian and his violators.

His scream ripped me from the unrealistic notion that if I couldn’t see what was happening, it didn’t exist. It was a silly but effective rule. I took a calming breath before opening my eyes, but the muffled grunts already told me exactly what I didn’t want to know. Water dripped down my face, and as I turned my head to let my gaze drift to the scene awaiting me. The lingering flavor of stomach acid continued to burn my throat, which only served as a momentary distraction.

The man held Sebastian’s face to his crotch, and I watched as the boy finally struggled, undoubtedly enduring the aching sensation as his lungs burned in urgent need for air. The feeling was quite familiar to me, and for some reason, the thought didn’t sadden me or send a rush of panic through my body. The grunts were somewhat stifled as the larger, more brutal man pounded inside the boy’s ass.

Time seemed to slow. The noise filled the room, pushing against me in a slow, waving sound as if I was underwater. Sebastian turned his head, and I met his gaze. His eyes sparkled with terror, a phase I had become all too accustomed with. I watched as the fear turned to defeat. His face began to change to a light, pale blue, and I knew that if he wasn’t allowed to breathe, he would soon die.

I quickly turned away from what would eventually become the inevitable. My fingers tightly gripped the edges of the trough, and I slammed my head into the water. The pressure that built in my head intensified as I thrashed around. Tears mingled with the filthy water, and I realized that I couldn’t handle that existence any longer.

I tried not to let my thoughts wander to Sebastian and his cowardly rapists, which forced me into a profound spiral of burdening defeat and hopelessness. Nothing would save us. Suddenly the epiphany forced me into an unusual state of calm. I could not save Sebastian. The bastards relentlessly used my affection for the boy against us, and the realization of what needed to be done stunned me.

The endless cycle of excruciating abuse must end. My chest ached. It burned with fear of the unknown and with the acceptance of what must be done next. The uncertainty of Sebastian’s future and whether or not he would endure a far greater wrath for my decision encompassed me with dread. Unfortunately logic, rationality and dread alone compelled me to accept my fate.

Breath puffed out of my mouth. I screamed under the water, but the sound only faded away. I opened my mouth, closed my eyes and deeply inhaled the water. My lungs seized in shock, and I hoped that my death would swiftly take me away. To have mercy on me. My body jerked as the survival instincts threatened to overcome the need to kill myself. To finish what must be done.

The pressure in my fingers hurt as I gripped the trough with conviction. I breathed in more water, and although my eyes were open, my vision was blurred. My body shuddered and felt heavy. My chest pressed into the side of the trough, and my grip loosened. Weakness overwhelmed me as hands wrapped around my body, yanking me out and away from my salvation.

My body fell to the floor, and the violent coughing fit forced water from my lungs. With each expelling cough, the water splashed onto my face and ran down my cheeks.

“What are you doing? What were you thinking? How dare you, you weak minded woman! After everything we’ve done for you! You ungrateful wench! Remove her! Get her out of my sight! Take her to observation, and restrain her.” The authoritative and exasperated scientist walked away ranting to himself, and although my vision was construed, I watched as he frantically raved and wielded his hands in the air in frustration.

Strong hands slid underneath my body. I was lifted into the air and carried away from the room. I was unsure where we were going. The hallway the man rushed down was unfamiliar to me.

Except for the sound of feet hitting the floor, the hallway was silent. I expected to hear Sebastian’s screams. I expected to listen to his punishment for my selfish actions, but no such sounds reached me.

Lights danced in my vision.